Rant #2.

I somehow don't know where to begin this one. This one is a very touchy subject for me for many reasons. I don't want to upset people, but this probably will. I don't want to disappoint people, but this probably will. I will probably shock most of you and my dad and/or stepmom will probably call me in the next few days (love you guys!).

I saw a post earlier today by none other than the esteemed Kirk Cameron. Yeah, I like the guy. He seems pretty cool, and he's got a good sense of humor. But I disagree with him on some stuff (who agrees with everything someone believes?).

(SIDE NOTE: trying to keep my computer alive right now, this power cord doesn't really work and this might end up being posted later than I wanted it to. It's currently 2 in the morning and my meds are keeping me up but my mind is so tired I just want to sleep forever so this power cord thing might just be the last straw for tonight.)

So back to the post by Kirk.

It was about how sad premarital sex is.

Really? Really.

Ok, so, big deal. I've been taught since birth that you don't do shit with a guy until you're married. I mean, I grew up Amish. You don't even look the guy in the eyes until your wedding day (slight exaggeration there...maybe), much less hold hands, kiss, and no one even thinks about having sex because that is an unmentionable. I'm not getting into the different types of Amish here, so don't call me out on my Amish dating techniques. I know they all vary as much as different planets, I'm just giving the example of what type I grew up with.
So what is the big deal????
The big deal is, I don't agree with him. I don't agree with the way I was raised. I don't really *Want* to wait until my wedding night.
I admire the bravery of those of you who were virgins (or will be) on your wedding night.

I also admire your pain threshold. That shit is a mother.

My big deal is, why are we making our kids feel bad for taking part in something that is perfectly normal?? Yes, it's pretty damn special.
Yes, you're becoming one with another person, be they male, female, trans, bi, asexual, whatever. It's pretty special. And I don't think you should have sex until you know for sure and batshit certain that they are The One.

That said, I'm not going to make people that have sex with others besides Their One feel bad. I'm not going to walk around slut shaming or judging or creating depressing fanfiction about girls that are miserable for having sex just to get people to stop having sex.
From the beginning, sex has somehow been an expression of love. I love you. Let me show you just how much by taking you to a whole new level of happiness, by waking up your body and your emotions in a way they never have before. And that's pretty fantastic.
But this doesn't mean that it's wrong to express love to other people before you get married. This was never meant to be a wrong thing, a dirty thing, something we quickly tell our children to get away from while watching shows about ruined life and shoving birth control and condoms down their throat.
All that does is confuse them and give them inhibitions about their first time, no matter the circumstances.
Especially now that we have so much porn and R-rated movies all giving us unrealistic expectations about our first time.
So much so that now we expect a certain length in guys and certain boob sizes are considered to be acceptable while other's are just plain unattractive.
Suddenly if we don't look like porn stars, if our first time or second time or hell, even our bajillionth time didn't go like our favorite porno, we are awful at sex and then the dissatisfaction begins and the downward spiral in relationships begins.

Am i saying that sex shouldn't be awesome?
Am I saying that it is not special?
Am I saying that we should walk around and have sex with everything and everyone in sight?

None of the above.
What I AM saying is that, if someone wants to have sex, don't hate them for it. Encourage them to use protection. Encourage them to not have high expectations for their first time. Tell them everything you wish someone had told you about their first time so that they are prepared for all of the obstacles and the don't despise themselves afterwards. You can even strongly recommend that they wait a little longer to know for sure that they are doing the right thing, that they aren't just thinking in the moment, that they've taken time to talk to their partner and logically go through things.

But please, no slut shaming, no disapproval, no condemnation. Let them decide. It's their body, their life, you have no choice in the matter.