I'm getting tired of trying and not living up to the standards I set for myself.
And I know this sounded like I was going to dive into something great and wonderful about living life, but its not about life.
Sadly, its about the way I write.
I want to write well. I want people to sit back and be amazed at the awesomeness staring at them through their screen.
But with me, it just doesn't seem to happen. I'll keep trying, but its not going to happen. Like my dear friend BJ told me, "You're no JK Rowling."
Its true. I'm not that author...but sometimes I wish I could be. He wasn't saying that in a mean way- in fact, he went on to tell me that he thought I could easily become a JK Rowling.
I think he was just saying that to be nice.
Sometimes, people ask me if I have any secrets.
Yep.
Here's one: The only reason I write blogs is because there are some of you who are very near and dear to me that want to know what's going on in my life and my brain. Some of you live in the same house with me. Some of you go to the same school as me. Some of you live in the next state over. Some of you live across the country.
That's the only reason I write.
If it weren't for you, I would have given up long ago.
Someday I'm sure I'll thank you for keeping these blogs going. Because, its really you that keeps them going.
But sometimes, when you lose a friend that meant the world to you -no matter the disagreements- just because you change the way you dress, what music you listen to, and the fact that you have a boyfriend and that your best guy friend is bi, when you lose them because they think you are a bad influence, it makes me want to throw my hand up in the air and say- no, not Taio Cruz's "Ayo gotta let go" (although that would be funny)- but rather, "Ok, what's the point? If you don't care, why should I even try? You're right, I am a failure and a disgrace to my friends and it *would* be a sin to continue to be in touch with me. So why do I even try?"
So, yes, someday I will look at all you faithful readers and commenters and thank you for keeping me writing.
Cause- and here's another secret- writing and I have a love-hate relationship. We grudgingly love each other. We tear each other down sometimes and degrade each other, but really, we'd die without each other.
If you want to see the way I want to write, go here:
http://notknowingwhere.blogspot.com/
I'm glad, SO glad, that you keep writing through the love/hate... You know, that love/hate is something that I've heard many authors agonizing over... Not being able to write what they REALLY mean. Even if you don't ever become a famous author, write. It's good for you in so many ways, and it IS a treat for "the rest of us".
ReplyDeleteI totally meant that in every endearing way possible and was not just trying to be nice!!! You have so much raw talent and potential in you, dont see yourself so short! You are not a failure to anyone, and anybody who says things like that isn't worth stressing about. The people that matter are the people who love you no matter what life choices you make.
ReplyDeleteI know you meant it that way, Beej :) I was just using it to make a point, using it in my own way. You never offended me at all by that! Promise :) <3 Love you beej :)
ReplyDeleteYou are a beautiful writer, Rena Olivia! My high school English teacher taught me to write. It's my most natural form of communication. The important thing is not to compare yourself to others, because then you always find reasons to be discontent with yourself. The most beautiful writing is sincere self-expression. There's so little of it in the world that it's awesomeness in and of itself.
ReplyDeleteMy high school English teacher has a blog now... :) http://windinthewoods.wordpress.com/
Thank you Anna! I looked at that blog and I love it!!
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